Every time I think I’m feeling better, doing better, something knocks me back. It really doesn’t help that I have at least 7 FB friends who are pregnant and a few more with brand new babies. It’s hard because I am so happy for all of them and would never wish my experience on them, but even through my joy for them it is painful to hear them talk about their pregnancy. Hearing about the shopping or assembling of baby items. Or the normal milestones of a pregnancy – movement (which I had felt, but only a couple of times), ultrasounds (especially the big gender scan), naming, even fetal hiccups, etc. Everything I’m missing out on. Everything I SHOULD be experiencing, but am not. Why? I know everything happens for a reason and that His plan isn’t the same as ours, but it’s hard to understand His reasons sometimes. And some, like my story, may never be explained until we get to Heaven. It’s just hard not knowing. I dreamt of that baby. I still do. The dreams are different now, more haunting than hopeful, but it’s all I’ll know of him/her for a long time. It’s all I have.
On a much lighter note, it’s been fun spending time with the family I have here. Just over a week ago I took my boys to one of my favorite places – Marie Selby Botanical Gardens in Sarasota. I used to be quite a gardener – I preferred containers over ground gardening -, but I’ve lost my touch since having kids. Priorities. So now, I live vicariously through the gardens at Selby. The greenhouse is my favorite. It’s where they keep a great majority of their orchids – my favorite flower. The greenhouse is one of the smaller areas of the garden, but I spend the most time in there photographing the flowers. The boys always try to rush me through, but I make them wait. There’s just nothing like having a camera between my face and an orchid. It’s good for my soul. And though the greenhouse is my favorite place within my favorite place, the rest of the gardens definitely do not disappoint. And being there with my boys is always fun. There’s quite a few trees that they love to climb (the Banyans, the Moreton Bay Fig, and the Bo Tree), so we always have to stop and take a break from walking. It’s okay with me. I always find something to photograph – be it them, or some flowers, an insect, or the sky. Anything. Eventually we get moving again, and find some more fun and beautiful things to do and see. Selby is right on the waters of Sarasota Bay. There’s nothing more tranquil or soothing than a large body of water. It’s awe-inspiring, and quickly makes us…well, me at least, feel small. It kind of puts thing into perspective. I always know the day is coming to an end when we get to the Selby Mansion & the Butterfly Garden. I used to spend a lot of time trying to photograph the butterflies, but I have stopped stressing myself out like that. They never sit still! I end up angry at them, and that’s just silly. 🙂 SO now, I walk through, and if I get lucky, great! This specific day, I did get lucky. A Monarch butterfly just sat there and let me snap shot after shot. It was awesome. I even got lucky with some bumble bees. Great day. It turned out that my body wasn’t quite ready for such a long walk and all the twisting, squatting, and bending that goes along with photography because I ended up being a bit sore, but it was worth it. I needed it, and the time with the boys was priceless. Here’s a few pics I took:
Lip of a Cattleya orchid.
Ascocenda with back-lighting.
Jonah getting a koi nibble.
Noah under a huge Elephant Ear plant.
The boys on Selby’s big orchid.
Another fun family event was the family bike ride we took. We have done it before, but it had been a while. And before, we couldn’t be out long because Jonah’s stamina was…lacking. LOL!! Well, just a few days ago, we managed to ride 4mi. together as a family. Joe and I were riding regular two-wheelers, but Noah and Jonah were riding their big wheels. Those weren’t really meant for distance rides, but they did really well. It was extremely fun, and I can’t wait to do it again soon. 🙂